Where do you bury the bodies?

[IRonMaN]

So the run to the finish line was a major sprint yesterday.  But along with that sprint, we had a client that tried their best to make us fall.  Client is habitually late.  And when I say late, I mean late.  For the first few years they pushed the October 15th deadline.  The last couple of years they have filed in January -------- just barely missing that 10/15 deadline.  Wife has a schedule C business and she uses Quickbooks.  I use that term "uses" loosely since sales are typically 3 - 5 times what she actually had.  Cash usually comes in around the $1 million mark --------------- just a few decimal points off.  So they were "talking to people" and decided they were really getting beat up from late penalties so they needed to file timely this year.  To add to the circus, husband has retired and started his own schedule C business during the year.  Of course getting a straight answer from him on things like mileage is next to impossible.  So anyway, we get the return done yesterday afternoon and e-mail them a copy.  Keep in mind that they now have two schedule Cs, very minimal withholding on his part year W-2 and they are once again shocked at the balance due.  They don't have the money because they just paid off the 2021 return.  Of course we always have money for vacations and casinos.  So in the middle of the process IronWoman is talking to the wife and husband is chirping like a canary in the background and as part of the chirping he says that "we aren't doing it right because everybody else they know is getting refunds".  I'm guessing those everybodys actually have tax paid in during the year, but what do I know so we haven't been doing it right.  I had to keep guns, knives, forks, and the really sharp scissors away from IronWoman yesterday.  So obviously these clients are going into the former client category, but that just doesn't seem equitable for the stress that was added to an already stressful day.  So my question is, where do the rest of you bury the bodies of ex-clients like these?

[PATAX]

Throw them in a dumpster?😉😁 just joking.... 

[IRonMaN]

I would hate to stink up the dumpster.

[PATAX]

Yeah even the possums would stay away from that one.

[abctax55]

Cement overshoes....I live next to a really deep & cold lake.

[IRonMaN]

I remember a client talking one time before a board meeting and he mentioned using a post hole drill - like they use for telephone poles ----------------- it throws law enforcement off if they go out looking for a grave.

[IRonMaN]

As long as I'm here:

Ole the Norwegian Insurance Salesman

Ole, the smoothest Norske in the Minnesota National Guard and a natural **bleep**.

Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said…"If you haf da normal GI insurans an' yoo go to Afghanistan an' get yourself killed, da governmen' pays yer beneficiary $20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich cost you only t'irty dollars a mont, den da governmen' got ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000! Now, Ole concluded,"Vich bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first?”

[IRonMaN]

You can't even tell a bad joke here.  I'll try for the 5th time:

Ole, the smoothest Norske in the Minnesota National Guard and a natural born salesman, got called up to active duty. Ole's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI life insurance, to which they were entitled. The officer in charge soon noticed that Ole was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.

This was remarkable, **bleep**.

Ole stood up before the latest group of inductees and said…"If you haf da normal GI insurans an' yoo go to Afghanistan an' get yourself killed, da governmen' pays yer beneficiary $20,000. If yoo take out da supplemental insurans, vich cost you only t'irty dollars a mont, den da governmen' got ta pay yer beneficiary $200,000! Now, Ole concluded,"Vich bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Afghanistan first?”

[IRonMaN]

I give up.  Obviously Intuit thinks we are taking a exam and won't let me cut and paste the answer.

[rbynaker]

Didn't Brother Cooley already get in trouble this year for suggesting murder in a public forum? 🙂

I've just been referring all of them to @dascpa <shrug>.

So, every year I keep notes on things I should do better next year.  Despite multiple edits over the years, for some reason it's still not quite clear enough exactly what people need to bring me (despite the cover letter, engagement letter, organizer with a concise list of documents they had last year, etc.)  When I get around to updating things for next filing season, my notes so far this year:

  * Remove state stimulus question
  * Something better for tracking QCDs?
  * Make cover letter instructions clearer (maybe bullet points instead of paragraphs?)
  * Be a d i ck  [let's see if that makes it through the *bleeping* censors]

When this is the fourth year I've done your taxes, "I didn't know you needed me to fill out the questionnaire" doesn't exactly fly anymore.  So I'm thinking something like "if you can't bring me a signed engagement letter, completed organizer and ALL of the documents listed some time before the end of March, just go somewhere else."

I can forgive my 86-yo widowed client w/dementia.  And even my 73-yo who somehow ended up with 13 of her "important tax documents" being only available electronically this year.  I've been doing their taxes for over 20 years now, so they get a pass.  But the 40-something with Verizon dividends needs to either get me a 1099-DIV or a 1099-B.  "I didn't get one this year" just means it's in a pile of unopened mail somewhere, because adulting is hard.

[IRonMaN]

But I never suggested murder.  I was just asking what to do with a body for someone that met an untimely death.  No harm in asking, is there?

[PATAX]

@rbynaker I just cannot comprehend how people can be so irresponsible. Is it genetic or is it the way they were brought up? SMH.

[abctax55]

Yep... same issues here, Rick.

I'll add "settlement/closing/HUD statement" to the mix. No matter how many different ways I ask & emphasize that I need it if you had real estate activity too many *forget*.  Young & old, doesn't matter.  

[rbynaker]

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@abctax55 wrote:

Yep... same issues here, Rick.

I'll add "settlement/closing/HUD statement" to the mix. No matter how many different ways I ask & emphasize that I need it if you had real estate activity too many *forget*.  Young & old, doesn't matter.  

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Yeah, that one is already on my organizer questionnaire.  "Did you buy, sell or refinance any real estate?  If so, please include the settlement statement/closing disclosure."  I get them maybe 50% of the time. <shrug>  At least there are usually plenty of breadcrumbs.  1098 reporting has gotten much better over the years.  I still see the missing "middle man" half the time.  I have the old bank 1098.  I have the current MegaBank 1098.  I see from closing that you paid somebody else for a month and a half before they sold you off to MegaBank, where is that 1098?  I create amortization schedules for most client mortgages and I keep spreadsheets for refinances to track excess interest so I have an idea of what to expect and I've gotten pretty good at being able to back into a single missing number.

It should be interesting if/when home equity interest comes back (I guess you still have to track it for CA purposes, right?)  Between that and whatever they do with the SALT cap we may get to have fun with AMT again (but maybe PTET gets around that?  I haven't looked into it.)

[rbynaker]

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@PATAX wrote:

@rbynaker I just cannot comprehend how people can be so irresponsible. Is it genetic or is it the way they were brought up? SMH.

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I had one client (who thankfully moved to FL and I got to fire her) who would just dump a pile of unopened envelopes on me each year and I could almost guarantee that there would be at least one dividend check included.  Most of them were stale so I'd give them back to her and tell her to call the company and have them reissued (I don't know or care if she actually did, she clearly had constructive receipt!)

[IRonMaN]

I had a client that was wound up pretty tight and would wander around my office like a caged tiger while I went through his information.  At the start of January he put a paper bag near the front door of his house and would throw anything he thought might be tax related in the bag.  Every year I would go throw "the bag" and pay my bill with uncashed dividend checks.  He died a few years ago and I actually miss those little visits.

[BobKamman]

Proving that "Minnesota Nice" is just a red lutefisk to throw off others seeking to describe the personality of Gopher State inhabitants.  

[IRonMaN]

Sometimes the game is changed from whack a mole to whack a gopher.  The mood you are in determines the size of the bat you use for the whacking.

[PATAX]

@rbynaker yep a lot of those dividend checks are included on a quarterly  statement with perforated paper and the client doesn't realize that check is at the bottom. Are the entities being frugal? Or maybe hoping that the check is overlooked and not cashed? I don't know. Reminds me of old insurance policy of a client years ago. He said he had some kind of life insurance or something that was bought many many years ago that he found among his paperwork and he didn't know if it was worthless or not. He was a good guy and of immigrant stock so I wrote a letter to the company and sure enough it was worth some money, and I think he cashed it out and got his check. Always good to scrutinize paperwork.

[The_AntiTax_Man]

@IRonMaN   LOL

[Skylane]

@IRonMaN I know a guy who would be happy to assist with your former clients returns. Complete with all manner of refundable credits and non existent payments, He can guarantee the return will meet or exceed any of their friends refunds and fully account for all business gambling and vacation expenses. AND, since they’re former clients of yours he’ll  throw in a pair of vouchers for 5-10 years of free housing at their choice of brand new federal hotels… very modest fees and only a few signatures required. Let me know if you want his contact info. I believe he’s still a residing at one of those federal properties 

[IRonMaN]

That sounds exactly who they are looking for.  A match made in heaven.

[rcooley25]

In Memphis Tenn  there is this one large building called Graceland that has several bodies buried just outside the patio door. Try that place.

[rcooley25]

. Brother Cooley got in a lot of trouble which he just shrugged off.

[BobKamman]

Ship it to Scandinavia.  Then you can sing, "My body lies over the ocean  . . ."

[PATAX]

@rcooley25 but Elvis is not buried there. I saw him playing a banjo in a UFO.

[abctax55]

@PATAX ...

Is Heidi a snuggle-pup? Since I've been home recovering Juno wants to basically be in my lap getting puppy love. Warms my heart ❤️ 

[IRonMaN]

I believe someone once said - dogs are good people 🐶

[PATAX]

@abctax55 Juno knows that you are recovering, what a great dog. Heidi loves attention and affection from everybody. If someone comes into my office and ignores her, she doesn't like that and will actually snub them sometimes or bark at them. She doesn't like too much snuggling, except when she wants treats especially Kraft American cheese. She is always begging for treats, I think it is a wolf thing, as that is where the GSD comes from. Dogs are the best and number one.🐕🐕☝

[abctax55]

I think maybe she does 😉

As far as a client ignoring her....well, immediate CTOBET status. Like me, like my dog 🐕