Tis the season

[IRonMaN]

I realize a number of you are playing beta testers for the software but there are others of us that are using our time more wisely - like looking up Sven and Ole jokes.  Ok, maybe there is only one of us doing that, but someone has to.  Anyway, tis the season for everyone to wish each other a happy holidays and to sit down to that good old fashioned lutefisk dinner:

LUTEFISK LAMENT

  'Twas the night before Christmas, with things all a hustle,
 As Momma got set for the Christmas Eve tussle,
Aunts, Uncles and Cousins were all coming here,
To fill up their stomachs with Christmas eve cheer.

I sat alone with a feeling of dread,
As visions of lutefisk danced in my head.
The thought of the smell made my eyeballs start burning,
The thought of the taste set my stomach to churning.

For I'm one of those who Norwegians rebuff - - - 
A Scandihoovian boy who can't stand the stuff!
Each year, however, I play at the game,
To spare Momma and Papa the undying shame.

I must bear up bravely; I can't take the risk
Of relatives knowing I hate lutefisk!
I know they would spurn me, my presents withold
If the unthinkable, unspeakable truth they were told!

Soon from the kitchen an odor came stealing,
An odor that set my senses to reeling.
The smell of lutefisk crept down the hall and wilted a plant,
in a pot on the wall.

The others reacted as though they were smitten,
While the aroma laid low my small helpless kitten.
Uncles Oscar and Lars said, "Oh, that smells yummy!"
While Aunt Olga just beamed as she patted her tummy.

The scent skipped off the ceiling as it came through the door,
  And the bird in the cuckoo clock fell on the floor.
Momma announced dinner by ringing a bell,
And they rushed to the table with a whoop and a yell.

I lifted my eyes to heaven and sighed,
And a rose on the wallpaper withered and died.
With unhurried pace I went to my chair,
 And sat down in silence with an unseeing stare.

Most of the food was already in place,
There only remained the lutefisk space.
Then in it came - - - you could just hear the drools,
You would think that the bowl held Norway's crown jewels!

Then Momma lifted the cover on that steaming dish,
 And I was face to face with that quivering fish.
"Me first!", I heard Uncle Sven call,
 While I watched the paint as it peeled from the wall.

The plates were passed for Papa to fill,
 I waited, in agony, between fever and chill.
He would dip in the spoon and hold it up high,   
 It oozed on the plates - - - I thought I would die!

Then came my plate, and to my fevered brain,
There seemed enough lutefisk to derail a train.
It looked like a mountain of congealing glue,
Oddly transparent, yet discolored in hue.

With butter and cream sauce I tried to conceal it,
But wouldn't you know, the smell would reveal it!
I drummed up my courage; I tried to be bold.
Momma said, "Eat it before it gets cold."

I decided to try it - - - "Uff da", I sighed.
"Uff da, indeed", my stomach replied.
Then I summoned that courage for which Norskies are known,
My hand took the fork with a mind of its own.

With reckless abandon, that lutefisk I ate,
Within twenty seconds, I cleaned up the plate.
Uncle Oscar then flashed me an ear-to-ear grin,
While butter and cream sauce dripped from his chin,

Then to my surprise, he said in my ear,
"I'm sure glad that's done for another year!"
It was then that I learned a wonderful truth,
That Swedes and Norwegians from young men to youth,

Must each pay their dues to have the great joy,
Of being known as a good Scandihoovian boy!
And so to you all, as you face the test,
Happy Smorgasbord to you, and to you all my best!

[IRonMaN]

You talked me into it - how about I hand out your bonus today and add one short one?

At the marriage retreat, the instructor talked about he importance of knowing what matters to each other.
“For example,” he began, pointing to Ole, “do you know your wife’s favorite flower?”
Ole answered, “Pillsbury All Purpose.”

[IRonMaN]

Hey, looks like I got a fresh supply so how about a couple more.  As a side note, for anybody looking for some extra credit, I can mark your post as solved if you act within the next hour -------- operators are standing by.  My understanding is, the person (or cartoon character) with the most "solved" points for the month of December gets a free Intuit logoed lutefisk dinner.  And don't worry, if you aren't hungry now.  That lye will keep that lutefisk good for another 50 years.

Lena is watching the news with Ole when the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” Lena starts
crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!”
Confused, he replies, “Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always dat risk involved.”
After a minute, Lena, still sobbing, says, “Ole, how many is a Brazilian?”

Lena asks Ole, “Ole if I were to die first, would you remarry?”
“Vell,” says Ole, “I’m in good health, so why not?”
“Would she live in my house?”, asks Lena
“It’s all paid up, so yes.” Replies Ole.
“Would she drive my car?”
“It’s new, so yes.”
“Would she use my golf-clubs?”
“No. She’s left-handed.”

Little Ole is troubled and asks his father Ole, “Did God make me or did Evolution make me?”
Ole tells him, “God did. First, Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies grew up and made more babies, and so on.”
Little Ole then goes to his mother Lena and asks her the same question.
Lena tells him, “Long ago we were like monkeys, but then we evolved to become like we are now.”
Little Ole runs back to his father and screams, “You lied to me!”
“No I didn’t”, Ole replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of da family.”

[TaxGuyBill · Accepted solution]

Even though I'm in Minnesota, I've never had the opportunity to try lutefisk (there are probably more opportunities in "up north").  While eating gelatinous fish isn't on the top of my list, I probably would try it (after I fill out my medical directives and 'will').

[IRonMaN]

We have a winner.  In all seriousness, if it is prepared correctly it doesn't taste bad.  The smell haunts you for a couple of weeks but the taste is ok.  But that is for the stuff that is pulled out soon enough from the pot so it still resembles a fish filet.  If it is left in too long it gets that gelatinous look ---------- don't touch that with a 10 foot pole.  Actually, to be safe, don't even touch it with a 100 foot pole.

[CMcCullough]

Don't believe IronMan when it comes to lutefisk.  As an member of ELCA Lutheran churches over the years, I have tried lutefisk and anyone who has not tried it, keep doing what you are doing.  Do not try it.  I could not stand it.  Though it was quite gelatinous, IE it was not made by member of the church fresh.  

[IRonMaN]

As a former Son's of Norway member, I took a solemn pledge to be completely serious when it came to lutefisk.  My first two years as a member, I worked in the kitchen at their annual lutefisk dinner.  I didn't just work in the kitchen, I stood over the fillets and broke them apart after they came out of the boiling pot of water (I did this for several hours 🤢).  I learned early on, that if they came out of the pot early enough they looked like normal cod .............................. but for those pieces that stayed in a minute too long, you were working with a gross gelatin looking mass.  I tried some of the normal fillets - they tasted fine (just hold your nose to avoid the smell from the kitchen).  You couldn't pay me enough to try those gelatin masses.