It's Sunday, but it could be Monday or maybe even Tuesday if you don't read this today.

[IRonMaN]

Sven and Ole stopped in today so I have a few stories to tell:

(it's been awhile so I threw in a couple of bonus stories)

Ole wore both of his winter jackets when he painted his house last July.
The directions on the can said to put on two coats

_______________

Lars was staggering home after a night in the tavern.
A Lutheran minister saw him and offered to help him get home safely.
As they approached the house, Lars asked the minister to step inside for a
moment. He explained, “I vant Lena to see who I have been out vith.”

_______________

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely, he grumbled,
“Vell, der gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!

________________

A neighbor asked Ole why the Norwegian government
doesn’t draft men until age 45.
Ole explained, “Dey vant to get dem right outta high school.”

__________________

Ole and Lena visit New York City. Caught in traffic on East 46th, a homeless
person starts washing the windshield. Ole rolls down the window.
“Eh, how’s it going?” the homeless guy says.
“Oh, it’s OK,” Ole says.
“Hey where are you folks from?”
“Oh, ve’re from Minnesota.”
“Minnesota? I’ve been there. I met the ugliest woman I ever saw in Minnesota!”
Lena asks, “Vat’s he saying, Ole?”
“Oh, he says he knows you, Lena.

____________________________

Ole always caught his limit of fish, and he would never tell anyone his secret.
Finally, the game warden threatened to take away Ole’s license
unless Ole showed him how he did it.
Ole finally agreed to meet him early one morning to go fishing.
The game warden came with six rods and three tackle boxes, so
he’d be ready for anything. Ole showed up with a small brown paper bag.
They climbed in a row boat, and Ole rowed out to a spot on the lake.
Ole then opened his bag and pulled out a stick of dynamite,
lit it and tossed it into the water. After an explosion and shower of water, dozens of
fish floated to the surface. Ole started to row the boat around picking up fish.
The game warden was surprised and furious.
He shouted, “Ole, you can’t do that! It’s against the law!”
Ole calmly reached into his bag and took out another stick of dynamite and lit it.
He tossed it to the game warden and asked,
“Vell, are ya gonna talk? Or are ya gonna fish?

_________________________

Ole and Lars go ice fishing.
Ole pulls out his new thermos and Lars says to him, “Ole, whatcha got der?”
Ole says, “Well, Lars, dis here’s a thermos.
It keeps hot tings hot, and it keeps cold tings cold.”
After awhile, Lars gets curious and says,
“Vell, Ole ... whatcha got in dat der thermos?”
Ole says, “Vell, Lars ... I got a popsicle and two cups a’ coffee.

_________________________

Sven and Ole bought a new car.
They were so excited about it, when they got home they locked the keys in the car.
Sven says to Ole, “I thought you had the keys.”
Ole says, “You ver driving, da driver always takes da keys.”
“Well,” says Sven, “it doesn’t much matter.
Da question is, vat are ve going ta do about it?”
Ole says, “I don’t know, but ve bedder come up vit someting fast
because it looks like rain, and you had ta go and leave da top down.

_____________________________

Ole and Sven, the old retired Norwegian boys, lived at the
Old Retired Norwegian Home. One afternoon, they were sitting on the front
porch, looking at the sunset and talking about this and that. Lena, who lived
there, too, was standing around the corner and heard the boys talking. Being a
mischievous lady, Lena decided to play a trick on the boys.
Taking off all her clothes, she ran around the corner and raced past Ole and Sven.
Ole and Sven watched in astonishment as Lena ran past.
Finally, Ole asks, “Vasn’t dat Lena?”
Sven replies, “Yah, I ... I tink so.”
Ole says, “But vat vas she vearing?”
Sven shakes his head. “I don’t know, but vatever it vas, it sure needed ironing!”

_____________________________

One day, Ole gets a plan to make some money
so he goes to one of the rich neighborhoods.
Ole rings the door bell and says,
“Hello, is der anyting I could do for you ta make some money?”
The man thinks and says, “Sure, you can paint my porch.
You will find all the stuff in the garage.”
Ole says, “OK, how much vill ya pay me?”
The man says, “How does $50 sound?”
Ole quickly agrees and gets straight to work.
The wife, who had heard the conversation inside, says, “Fifty bucks?
I hope he knows the porch goes all around the house!”
Two hours later, Ole knocks on the door and says,
“OK, I am done. Can I have da money now?”
Surprised, the man replies,
“OK, let me get the money.”
He comes back with the cash in hand.
As Ole is leaving, he looks back and says,

“By da vay, dat’s a Ferrari, not a Porsche!”

[Ephesians3-14]

An old one...but a goodie!

[IRonMaN]

They are old - and stupid - but they have the potential to create a smile ——— even if it is a smile that comes and goes quickly.😁

[Skylane]

I'm on the East Coast so it must be Monday. I guess I can wait til tomorrow or maybe the next day to read them. That way I'm guaranteed that they're old and not just adjusting for daylight savings time.

[IRonMaN]

In case you need or want a guarantee, I personally guarantee that they are old.