Talk like that and the audit will happen. I remember when I smoked and the waiter was slow, I would light up and right away they showed up. I had one 8879 audit when it was their very early years (as my grandson says  LAST CENTURY.) The auditor was straight outta boot camp and had no idea what they were doing. Finally they said something about my not filing my payroll tax returns and I kicked them out. I even wrote a very critical letter to the then Director and actually got something close to an apology from that office. Good luck.