Where do homeless accountants live? In tax shelters!

What does the pessimistic accountant think? It’s accrual world.

Why are most accountants so good looking? They have great figures.

What’s an accountant’s favorite cereal brand? Post.

What does the cannibal CPA charge? An arm and a leg.

Why are accountants always tired after work? Because their job is so taxing.

What is an actuary? An accountant without a sense of humor.

How many accountants does it take to change a lightbulb? As many as it took last year.

What do accountants in the Army live by? Be audit you can be.

How do know your child will be a CPA when they grow up? When you read them Cinderella and the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, they ask, “Is that ordinary income or capital gain?”

Why did the CPAs divorce? They couldn’t reconcile their differences.

Why do shady accountants make bad chefs? They try cooking the books.

Why are taxes like golf? Because you work hard on the green just to end up in the hole.

What sort of taxes do marijuana dispensaries file? Joint returns.

What sort of taxes are there on trash bags? Hefty ones, and no one is Glad about it.

Why did the IRS audit a chiropractor? Because he owed back taxes.

Bye.