End of season really bad Dad jokes, vol. 2

Congratulations on making it through another tax season. Even though you may have put many of your clients on extension, there’s no doubt that it’s time to have some fun.

Last year’s “really bad Dad jokes” covered the classics, such as “The name of Santa’s sleigh: Net Present Value” and “What does an accountant say when getting on a train? Mind the GAAP.”

So sit back and prepare to guffaw, tee-hee, and LOL. Here are some all-new, “cringe-worthy” bad dad jokes:

Why did the IRS agent cross the road? To audit the chicken. He suspected the “free-range” claim was actually a tax shelter.

I told my accountant I wanted to start a business selling invisible ink. He said, “I don’t see any profit in that, and the IRS certainly won’t see the returns.”

What do you call a tax professional who can play the piano? A CPA who knows how to “key” in the data.

How do you know an accountant is having a mid-life crisis? They get a faster calculator and start wearing a “1040-EZ” T-shirt to the gym.

Why don’t tax accountants ever get lost in the woods? They always follow the “audit trail.”

My accountant told me I could deduct my dog because he’s a “watchdog” for my home office. I asked if that was legal. He said, “It’s a bit of a ‘ruff’ interpretation of the tax code.”

What did the tax return say to the panic-stricken taxpayer on April 14? “Don’t worry, I’m just as ‘taxed’ as you are.”

Why did the accountant become a gardener? He wanted to help people “grow” their assets, but he spent most of his time just “hedging” his bets.

What’s the difference between a tax auditor and a vampire? A vampire only takes your blood at night; an auditor takes your “liquidity” during business hours.

Help make us laugh and keep us “in balance.” Provide a comment below with one of your Dad jokes.

Editor’s note: Many thanks to Mike Manalac, CPA, for his illustrations.